lost memories

sometimes u jus waana get rid of the old stuff but then u come across some most cherished possessions.. u jus cant throw them away......u know its kinda too valuable .. may be its got no value no more but u want to keep it near ur heart forever.

i came acroos a few cards.. actually al the cards someone ever gave me.. i know it was hurting but i wanted to smile bcoz it reminded me that someone loved u so very much.

I read all of them over again the way i had never read them before. it was kinda satisfying u know in a way....

they said a lot of things. i wish i cud shout them out to her. Someone ttouched me in a way nobody could ever touch me ever.

"Am i afraid of not being so good ever again?"

The pain and sufferer

Its kinda weird how u feel the pain for urself and more unusually, for others...last night when i was in pain no one but ma mom sat by side comforting me.. who else would.. would i do it for someone else.. In the hostel i wud have suffered for the whole night before i could get any professional help leave aside some caring touch... I feel grateful to god for giving us all parents who atleast wake up when we need them and stay awake even after we r aasleep. it aint easy , no sir it is not... It's pure love which makes it happen.... The sufferer in the midst of all this doesnt realize this... Its only a post suffering realization thing.

The pain freed me from the agony i was in of someone who jus lost his self respect.. i feel stupid but more than that i feel disappointed, in her, in love and in hope. Why? coz she is the only one who can do this to me...

so three yrs n i m back to Hell.....as i met the fears

Hey guys.. if anyone reads it at all in like 20 yrs from now.. let me try to make it interesting..for the sake of those who don give a fuck to my problems.... Lets name this gal Miss A. now this gal was very caring and the sweetest one i had ever known.. i fell in love.. well i kept fallin...coz i realized beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.

Today was our school alumini party and i was waiting for the day for three yrs coz i knew that i would meet Miss A there if she was in town.. i did.. now i felt that same numbness in ma body, same skippin of heart beats, same brain storms that so many writers, lovers and fanatics. I was weak in ma knees and body was shaking. I am sure she did care... either she has become one good to all but dead at core kinds or she still loves me but now, like we know, a good gal she is, has buried all her feelings and went on to live someone else.. i am being over optimistic, as one might say, and have assumed that the later case is true..i told her if it is her parents then convincing them is ma headache and if its her PARENTS then i'll WALK OUT OF HER PLACE WIT HER.. impressive huh???? well but i truly cherrish every moment there standing in front of her.. looking at that face so long unseen...thinking to sing --------

"Hundred days have made me older since the last time that i've seen ur pretty face.
A thousand lies have made me colder nd i don't think i can look at this the same
N all the miles that seperate i disappear as i m dreaming of your face..
I am here without you baby but u still on my lonely mind,
i think about u baby and i dream about u all the time"


Then she left and left me in pain.. unspoken distance seems to rule the road to exclavation..
why the frisk she treats me like that.. ma only mistake was that i loved her ... loved her so long so long...

its time to love but i m stuck

well all of us know or must have read that u gotta move on but its not that easy...if it was easy people wont say it and write it in books..well the problem isnt that u cant move but its about our unwillingnesss to move.. its a fear that keeps us from moving on.. its about the fear of losing something we might get again.. u know it can be worse next time ....i m stuck and i m here without u.. u know it but u r too good to be here i guess..

lonely as hell

u don wanna let go.. not because u r in love.. well probably tats a possibility, but bcoz u dont want to be lonely.. it hurts as hell...Its weird for how u find time to miss those moments when u don have time to breathe..
its like hitting the bottom after 'Falling' in love.. u kept faalin but now u know that theres an end to it..

meet the foes

so we meet again.. another day in my glorious life wasted on u.. my foe once ma friend and now a memory to haunt..will this ever end. the vicious cycle of life sucks in the best and makes u bitter. u learn to shut up for the obvious reasons of avoiding conflict. but ma freind and foes will never understand. they seem like they live a reckless life.every second i hope to hear from her for the hope to heal myself never leaves me alone....yOu learn to be ruthless nonetheless the wounds will always leave a scar..the humanity starts dying, the morals will fade and i shall end like u, ma loved foe.

jus another day

sometimes everything makes perfect sense but not for very long... the next moment this heart leads u to some new fascination and everything, all realities go for a topsy turvy..
This new fascination is very distracting but in some way very pleasing.
I wish i never knew the reality....

lucky day

i never expected her to answer ma scrap but i guess its true that
'bast things come when u try the least'..
Ab to is manzar se mujhe chale jaana hai.. but where.. the undefined ways r pulling me to my destiny.. all for the moment that can make u smile or make u feel happy from inside..

A day at home..

So i arriv finally home.. well even home seems a li'l less comforting after hostel a truth i cant say too loud... same buzz in my head all day long..
"The earth spinnin in my head and world looking at me....Will I ever be free".